Not Worth You Reading, Yet Worth Me Publishing

It is often at such a late time in the evening i find myself wondering about life's greatest questions as they appear for myself. Will i ever actually make anything of myself? Will i ever truly be the man i believe deep inside of my subconscious i am suppose to be? Why does life seem so fucking dreary? I am dating a girl i really care for and yet i cannot seem to push the notion away that i am still in another seemingly directionless relationship. I feel as if life has no true fulfillment in what we need it to be fulfilling in. If life were a physical person my very first intuition would be to drag it to the nearest source of water and force whatever it breathes from far inside the depths of the water. I want to watch it wrangle, hoping there may be a source of mediation in disagreement somewhere upon the horizon. It is disappointing, life. I want to throw this whiskey clear into the side of a hard, unforgiving brick building and yet i stare at the one i live everyday and can still never fully commit to such an act of defiance against what keeps me sane, at least in my own mind.

Throw support to your demons and they make you successful without using your soul as a bidding contract. It is when guilt enters the picture we begin to pull back, not believing a feeling normal to those who have sold their mortality. I just do not care anymore, i am waiting for the very second that my choosing to be a writer along with all of its costs, kills me. It is inevitable, it is real. I can placate my voice into 1000 characters and never truly feel whole. Thus is the life of an artist. You fit the gap you have had since birth with creations you hope will make the world a better place for have knowing them. I am by no means successful but also am by no means foolish. We do not all get our dreams, the fighters of our society seem to be the prevailers. Perhaps this is the fight that is worth the struggle?

-Thoughts of a mad man late at night with no solace but a glass of brown ignorance and that is the word today. Well, tonight. Thanks.


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