The Word

I feel like a major part of people's happiness has to do with acceptance by other people around you. This has become an increasingly more difficult thing for as i have grown up, i feel as if it's not that people do not accept me, it is that i feel that on a subconscious level, they are finding me just as strange as i am finding them. I often notice myself silently observing the way someone watches television, pondering exactly what sort of silent thoughts they may be having about the structure of my face as i also watch the television.  Do they find my fixation on the same program odd? Do they notice that white dryness on my lip sort of how i cannot help but notice the crust in their eyelash? It is an offbeat topic for discussion, that i could not agree on more and yet in the same instance i feel as if i cannot be the only person who has ever had a thought to this level of blatant insecurity. I do not think these strange observations make me unique, though i do not believ...

It is often at such a late time in the evening i find myself wondering about life's greatest questions as they appear for myself. Will i ever actually make anything of myself? Will i ever truly be the man i believe deep inside of my subconscious i am suppose to be? Why does life seem so fucking dreary? I am dating a girl i really care for and yet i cannot seem to push the notion away that i am still in another seemingly directionless relationship. I feel as if life has no true fulfillment in what we need it to be fulfilling in. If life were a physical person my very first intuition would be to drag it to the nearest source of water and force whatever it breathes from far inside the depths of the water. I want to watch it wrangle, hoping there may be a source of mediation in disagreement somewhere upon the horizon. It is disappointing, life. I want to throw this whiskey clear into the side of a hard, unforgiving brick building and yet i stare at the one i live everyday and can still...